The Prayers Warriors: Ripagem edition
by Yukikaze Kirai
Summary: What happens when two best friends in a sleepover read a commentary fic on one of the most infamous Percy Jackson fanfics? A sleep-deprived re-commentary by a gun-weilding PJ fan and a girl who has sarcasm instead of blood. Original commentary by L. Wolf, so you'll be seeing her comments too


_L. Wolf's note: So I was randomly searching through our beloved {Kirai: And so was I.}[Luh: I was just dragged here. God help me now]{Kirai: Irony?}[Luh: You should know by now, Kirai hun], and I happened to come upon this wonderful story. (The world is in serious need of a sarcasm font.) {Kirai: 2 here}[Luh: I'd probably kill it from overusage]When I first read this story, I thought "wow, I cannot believe this. Must be a troll." [Luh: You must still have faith in humanity] {Kirai: I've lost mine after this.}[Luh: I've lost mine a long time ago, but this helps prove my point] Until I looked at this person's other works, and now I'm beginning to doubt that he/she/it is, in fact, trolling [Luh: Point proven. Can I go home?]{Kirai: No, you can't. ¬¬}. So this is me, making a commentary, probably one that no one wants to hear[Luh: Hey, anyone who lashes on this piece of crap is a hero to me]. But I don't care.[Luh: You go gurl]__  
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xXx

Being Together The Army

Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. -Proverbs 16:18

I am Jerry and I am a prayer warrior. I am a servent of the lord and will do anything to get rid of evil Gods. Lately the Satanic leader Percy Jackson has taken over much of the land_[Luh: OHMIGAWSHNESS NO_], along with his Satanic Army and his girlfriend whore. She has sex with other people just to get Satanic money. _[Luh: Satanic money? Is that like Simoleons but in hell? What's the exchange rate of that?]__  
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That means that I have to get an army together of Christians, so that we can defeat the servents of Satan_~[Luh: How many times will he repeat the therm "Satan", I wonder?]{Kirai: Many. But there will be the typos too.}[Luh: Of course there will. Typos are a must in shitty fanfics]{Kirai: Fair point.}_, and defeat his evil puppets, the false greek gods, who are in fact a lie created by Satan to poison people`s mind. _(L. Wolf: Because you know that Christianity came way before Greek Mythology. Just saying.)[Luh: Thank you *highfives*]_

Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following them, after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou enquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise. – Deuteronomy 12:30

"Hello my fellow Christian_"[Luh: Is that how radical Christians greet each other? o_õ]{Kirai: I don't know about greetings, but the radical part gets worse. I think we will need more ammo after this .}_ I told Mary, who is named after Jesus`s Mother _[Luh: No shit]_. I and her are not dating, if you Satanic scum think that there is something Satanic going on_.[Luh: Please forgive my Satanic mind for Satanically thinking about Satanic thoughts. I'm just a very Satanistically Satanic person] (L. Wolf: So dating is Satanic now? Lovely.){Kirai: So… if dating is Satanic, how people get to know each other? I don't believe in those arranged stuff .}_ We are dating, but we are not having Sex _[Luh: Since when is Sex capitalized?]{Kirai: Since when dating means sex?}_ until we get married. But because we are 15, it means that it is going to be while before we do such a thing. _[Luh: Really?I thought since you seem to live in the 18th century marrying at the age of 15 was normal ^-^]__  
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"Yes Jerry, how are you. _[Luh: That is not a question, by the way. I'm actually really trying to interpret this sentence as a statement]_ Have you been doing the lord`s biddings?" she asked me. I nodded my head and then she took out the bible and we read the first Chapter of Genesis, which is about the the creation of the world. We talk about how God was so good that he was kind to create a great world as we live in. _(L. Wolf: Yeah, because you know this world is so awesome. Recession, disease, Nuclear warfare, starving little children in Africa, all of these things are totally the sign of a prospering society.)[Luh: I love you]_

He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. -Proverbs 18:13

Then we discuss about how Satan had poisoned the world by inventing false gods such as Zeus and Venus, who were sex gods _[Luh: *imagines Zeus and Venus being porn stars* /shot]_, which is against the Ten commandments. _(L. Wolf: Zeus was a man whore, and Venus was the goddess of love, but that did not mean they were in charge of sex.){Kirai: Does he know something about greek mythology to start with? Or Roman mythology, since he put Venus into it too?}[Luh: Does he know something about ANYTHING?]__  
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"I need an Army to defeat the evil leader Percy Jackson" I asked her. I wanted an army so that I could defeat this Satanist and his ungodly army. This is America _[Luh: Then why do you fail so much at your own language?]_which is a Christian nation _{Kirai: I thought it was a secular state. Meaning it has no connections to any religion. I might be wrong though}[Luh: Yeah, but you know how radical Christians are. They think they rule the fucking world. We live in Brazil, we should know that .-.]{Kirai: Fair point.}_ , so Satanist, athesit, hindu, muslims, buddhist, _(L. Wolf:Learn to spell) [Luh: Seriously though]_ and any other non-god fearing [_Luh: God is so kind and benevolent you must fear him :3]{Kirai: And I can't help but think about Maquiavel….}_ people, who worshiped false gods, should not be allowed in this God fearing Nation. _(L. Wolf: In the constitution, it gives explicit permission to the freedom of religion, or lack thereof, it this country. America is not a Christian nation, no matter how much your sick little demented mind wishes it otherwise. Nice try, though.)_ We must get rid of them, and make them slaves, if they agree to being a fellow Christian. _[Luh: I'm practically feeling the the love 3] (L. Wolf: So if we "see the light" you will dehumanize us, take away the god given right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Honestly, being a satanic whore has a rather nice ring to it, when you put it that way.)_ Once they truly believe in God and his son, Jesus, then would we release them to bring glory to God and his son. If they still did not believe, we would burn then, just as their fellow Satanist did when they refused to worship our lord Jesus Christ. _(L. Wolf: Because, you know we aren't in the 21st century or anything.)_ "I want to bring Glory to God" _[Luh: You should worry about bringing glory to yourself first. But that would require you to get the hell out of this site and never show show your face in public ever ^-^]{Kirai: I'm sorry to break it to you, but I don't think it's possible for him anymore, Luh .}[Luh: Maybe there is hope. Does he believe in resurrection or is that SATANIC OMG too?]_

Their bows also shall dash the young men to pieces; and they shall have no pity on the fruit of the womb; their eyes shall not spare children.-Isaiah 13:18

"Then I will show you my Christian friends. You will not find a ungodly one among them. There _[Luh: *They]_ are as clean as you can get them_" {Kirai:So… I'm pretty sure I'm clean. I do not agree with you, but have you heard of the useful thing called "shower"?} {Luh: I'm squeaky clean too! I smell like rainbows *w*]_ she told me. She had a her _[Luh: She had a what now?]_ hair tied back so that it would not get in her and not look like a Satanic whore. _(L. Wolf: Hair down=satanic whore. Gotcha.) [Luh: In this guy's mind, if you breath too loud you are a Satanic whore]_ She also made sure that her skirt did not show any of her legs, or else it would be a sin for a man such as myself to look at it. _(L. Wolf: Who wears short shorts?) {Kirai: I'm starting to believe in a time machine… If we are lucky, it's not broken.}[Luh: Skin! No! __IT BURNS MY EYES NO OMIGODHELPMENOW]_

And that was when I got message that a follower of the Satanic leader Percy Jackson _[Luh: You got a message that a follower of the Satanic leader Percy Jackson what?]. _He was there to force people in believing in false gods _[Luh: How do you even force people to believe in false gods?][Luh 2: "Believe in false gods" "No!" "If you do you get a cookie" "LOL ok then"]_ that made their followers get naked and perform Satanic killings. _(L. Wolf: Because performing satanic killings with our clothes on makes it ok in God's eyes.){Kirai: I'm pretty sure Neko won't like this. #ProjectKFeelings}[Luh: Clothes are bothersome and get in the way of our thirst for blood]__  
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Also thou shalt not approach unto a woman to uncover her nakedness, as long as she is put apart for her uncleanness. -Leviticus 18:19

But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die. -Deuteronomy 18:20

So I went down stair _[Luh: *DOWNSTAIRS, you little shit]{Kirai: Where exactly he was…? I'm not sure if I want to know.}_ to face the false prophet. He was a believer in false nature gods, such as Pan, who is Satan in disguise_[Luh: I thought Satan had invented Greek Gods. Now he disguises as them?]_. He had big Satanic _[Luh: If he says "Satanic" one more time I swear to all the gods that may or may not exist…]_ horns, so that everyone that was Christian could tell that he was a Satanist. _( : Your logic and deduction is amazing)[Luh: He bothers wearing a disguise but makes sure everybody will recognize him. Fuck logic.] {Kirai: Logic? For what?}__  
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"Believe in my god Pan" said the Satyr. "I am Grover and I am servent of Pan and _Satan [Luh: Weren't Satan and Pan the same guy?]_, who are great gods. They are better then God and Jesus_" [Luh: Oh no! Our worst nightmare has come true! A RELIGIOUS DEBATE NO ;-;]{Kirai: Look, if it helps, that's going to happen - Has read it before}__  
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_(L. Wolf: As you have shown, Christianity and Greek Mythology do not mix. So don't try.) [Luh: it could mix #Fanfiction]__  
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He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed. -Exodus 22:20

So to defeat this Satanic scum, me, Mary and one of her Christian friends that was there, her name was Ruth, prayed to God and our lord Jesus Christ, to bring down this false prophet. And behold, a group of locus came from the heavens _[Luh: Plot twist! That literally came the hell out of nowhere]{Kirai: Deus Ex Machina? #TVTropsWillRuinYourVocabulary} _and ate Grover alive. No part of his body, other then his guts and his brains, was left. No even his bones remained. _[Luh: Because the best way to spread the love and peace Christianity brings us is through brutal murder 3]{Kirai: I told you that there wouldn't be a debate.}__  
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And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt, and eat every herb of the land, even all that the hail hath left. -Exodus 10:12

So we brought glory to God. We killed a sheep so that we can say thanks to God. _(L. Wolf: Again, hating on animals. I should call the ASPCA on you.) [Luh: Brutal murder AND animal cruelty. All that love. JUST FEEL IT!]_. Then we went back church and prayed some more. We read the Bible and how Paul convert many people to God. Then Mary`s friends came and we made them members of the Order of the Prayer Warriors. _[Luh: BAD END]{Kirai: Can we re-start it? I swear I will not miss this time! *Pulls bazooka*}__  
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Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their wives ravished. -Isaiah 13:16

Believers in Christ: Thank you for read _[Luh: READING seu filho de uma égua *raging in Portuguese*]{Kirai: Can I do that too? __*-*}[Luh: Sure. Just say it with me: VAI TOMAR NO CU DO INFERNO SEU MERDINHA DO CARALHO! __PORRA! FILHO DA PUTA] {Kirai: They should censor you now -.-}[Luh: Foda-se]_. this and I hope you have turn to the glory of God and his eternal son Jesus Christ, the greatest thing to ever happen to this earth. May all that read this be save. _[Luh: S-A-V-E-D]_  
Jesus: You done me well son. _[Luh: He included Jesus in his dumb self-insert Authour's Note and we are the sinners]_  
Believer in Christ: Thank you my lord for giving me live_[Luh: LIFE] {Kirai: From everything in this Earth, this is one of the many things that shouldn't be THANKED FOR}_and allow me to write this. _[Luh: "…and now I'm gonna leave the Internet forever"]_ Amen. _[Luh: This fic is finally over. Amen indeed] {Kirai: Did I mention that he still wrote 20 freaking chapters?}[Luh: Kill me]{Kirai: Can't we just kill him instead?}[Luh: Well, that IS the Christian thing to do according to him, so… *load bazooka like badass motherfuckah*] {Kirai: Right behind you! *Loads AK-47*}_


End file.
